Curiouser and curiouser...

The story of the sociopath from North Carolina gets weirder and weirder.

Evil. Pure Evil.

What a horror story this is from the GFCF Cookbook blog. Someone was allegedly selling repackaged wheat bread as gluten free.

That's what you get when GF food is marketed at 2 - 5 times what the "real" thing costs. It doesn't help that to a lot of people, it's all a fad thing anyway. This evil beast probably thought it was hilarious, pulling a fast one on those idiots paying all that money for his "gluten free" bread.

Non-crumbly Tasty Gluten Free Tortillas (Seriously!)

Well, actually these come out a bit more like fajita wraps, but even my gluten eating friends and family love these. I've been wanting to post the recipe for a while, but keep feeling stumped, wondering how to describe the flour mix and such. But then I tried some store-bought gluten free tortillas yesterday and they were slimy and horrible. So here goes...

First, you need a good flour mix. I make up an all around, very versatile mix that I keep in a big jar in the refrigerator. The ingredients in it sometimes vary, but the main idea is that you need to keep a proportion of half starch to other kinds of flours. Maybe even a little extra starch. When you run your hands through the mix, you should be able to feel that "starchy" feeling like you get when you touch cornstarch. I've never tried it, since I can't use potato, but I suspect the all-purpose gluten free flours like Bob's Red Mill likely are similar and would work. This is my current mix:

3 C. garfava flour (or garbanzo bean flour)

2 1/2 C . arrowroot (or tapioca, potato or cornstarch)

2 1/2 C. tapioca flour

1 C. sorghum flour

1 C. millet flour (or quinoa flour, or whatever I have on hand if I want to experiment)

This mix was based on one from Carol Fenster's Special Diet Solutions:

3 C. garbanzo/fava bean flour

2 C. potato starch

2 C. cornstarch

1 C. tapioca flour

1 C. sorghum flour

I notice hers has a higher proportion of starches. This starch thing is definitely important.

Pliable, Bendable, Non-Crumbly and Tasty Gluten Free Tortillas

2 C. flour mix

a good-sized pinch, roughly 1/2 teas. xanthan gum

1/2 C. water

2 Tbls. olive oil

Mix it all together until you get a workable, non-sticky dough. You might have to play around with the water and flour amounts.

Turn this out onto a flour-sprinkled board. This is a rare gluten free dough that for some reason improves with kneading. Knead until it's smooth and pliable.

Divide into 6 balls.

Roll out into tortilla shapes.

I have a cast iron griddle, which works well. Oil and heat whatever kind of non-stick griddle or pan you have. When it's nice and warm plop a tortilla on top. It's often best to do this with a spatula. Sometimes they stick a little to the board and you have to scrape it off a bit with the spatula. Heat for a minute or a few, until it looks like it's starting to be cooked and firm. Flip over and finish it up. Often they will form bubbles. This is good and makes them that much lighter and tastier.

Amaze your gluten-free friends with your tasty and bendable wraps.

The one time I made these when they didn't work was when I was trying to show a newly diagnosed celiac friend that life didn't have to be bad. Food could be non-crumbly and good! And then these came out crumbly and wouldn't hold together. I still don't know what I did wrong. But even if, for some odd reason, yours don't work at first, don't give up. These are worth it. I always think it's going to be a huge amount of effort and don't make them that often. But the truth is, once you figure them out, it goes pretty quickly. I always wind up wondering why I don't do them more often. Especially after I just paid $5 for some really horrid slimy disks that I'm going to feed to the garbage can.

I Haven't Been Sucked up by Gluten Wielding Aliens

My, what a strange time it's been. If anyone is still checking in on this, you've probably figured that I decided to give up on this blog before it ever really started. Or that I was swallowed up by a gluten spewing monster. Something like that. Actually, I've been unwell. I don't want to go into the whole sordid story here, but I did mention it on my other vehicle of spew, my art-related space. It turned out that the generic artificial replacement that I need for a vital hormone wasn't any good. Of all things, it was my gluten intolerance that led to me figuring it out. My pharmacy was going to switch me to another generic. The new pharma company wouldn't vouch for it being gluten free. Feeling ripped off, I had to go on the name brand at a much higher price. As soon as I took the first dose, I went from having so little stamina I could barely stand without breaking into an exhausted sweat to feeling almost close to normal. Even the chronic pain got more controllable. I'm ecstatic and relieved to get some of my life back, even as I'm raging inside for how much I lost due to a bad drug that was supposed to be "bioequivalent" to the name brand. I'm finding out I'm not alone. Scary.

Anyway, I plan to be back in a few days with a recipe for my wheat free tortillas and more. If you have still been checking in on me (and I know there are a few of you), thanks for not giving up.

Pumpkin Soup with Coconut "Cream"

How about Halloween in May? This is great made with coconut milk beverage (see below) or coconut milk. The stuff from a cow would work too, if you can do that. This is my adaptation of a recipe from Vegetarian Dishes from Around the World by Rose Elliot. 

Pumpkin Soup

1 15 oz can of pumpkin (plain, not pie mix)

1 onion

2 large cloves garlic

2 T. olive oil, margarine or butter

4 C. stock or water

salt and pepper

2/3 C. coconut milk, coconut milk beverage, or light cream or milk

Peel and chop onion; peel and crush garlic.

Melt the oil in a heavy saucepan or pot and cook the chopped onion for about 5 minutes.

Add the garlic and pumpkin, and cook for a further 5 minutes.

Add the water (or stock) and some salt and pepper.

Bring to a boil and simmer for about 15 - 20 minutes. Purée the soup in a blender and then stir in the coconut milk (or cream). Reheat gently.

Milk Orgy

I feel like some sort of viral marketing shill, gushing about a product. But I've discovered something I genuinely am enjoying like nothing else in a long time. 

I love strong, milky tea. And I really like cold cereal with milk slopped on top. First real milk had to go. Then I used soy milk. In spite of the bad things I'd heard about soy, I had given up so much else at that point that I, dammit, needed something in my tea and cereal and baked goods that didn't taste like grass (hemp milk) or was sickly sweet (rice). And nut milks weren't a possibility, seeing as nuts are a no go zone for me. Then a few years later I became allergic to soy, too.

So I resigned myself to the least sweet gluten free rice milk I could find, which still tasted lousy to me, on my cereal and in my tea. I baked a lot more with coconut milk, and palm shortening and coconut oil. This has been the way it has been for quite a while now. 

A couple of weeks ago in the store, I saw a new product in the milk case. So Delicious Coconut Milk Beverage, in Vanilla or original (apparently there is also an unsweetened, which we don't have here). I don't want sweet. I went for original. I was a bit alarmed that they only had the large size. I'll wind up wasting it, I thought. I can never consume that whole carton before it goes bad in a week.

As it turned out, I went through more than one carton before the week was out. I haven't tasted anything this good on my cereal or in my tea in years. It has a thick, creamy consistency. The texture isn't that weird—very close to real milk, although I confess I haven't had milk in so long it's hard for me to remember. And no lousy aftertaste. It's certainly better than So Delicious's coconut yogurt. It also makes good creamy soups. 

Herb Garden

The cat has been too strung out cooking to post. (Well, that and tendinitis.) But I'm poking in briefly to share a thought for the day. People who have to cook a lot should consider having a little herb garden. Mine is in pots just outside the door, so when I'm cooking I can just step out from the kitchen and grab whatever I'd like to use.

When there's anything left over to grab.